Barbara had known about New Friends New Life for at least seven or eight months. Another dancer at the club had given her their phone number. But Barbara had not called. She wasn’t ready. At least, not until “I had solicited an undercover police officer,” Barbara said. “That was my last day dancing. August 28, 2007.”

In September, she came to her first Wednesday night meeting, a little nervous. She knew the New Friends New Life program would be hard. Building a new life independent of the sex industry would demand self-discipline, determination, and commitment, especially if she was going to adhere to NFNL’s method. But she was ready.

Barbara had already put together a resume and gotten leads on conventional jobs. She hadn’t danced in weeks. New Friends New Life offered a little something more, something that would change her life and her son’s life.

“You don’t trust people coming out of a business like this,” Barbara said. “You build this defense wall.”

But enrolling in the program as a protégé, coming to the Wednesday night bible study and support group– a weekly requirement for the NFNL program – and working with her advocate, Irie, she began to let her wall come down.

“She was a mentor, more of a mother-type figure,” Barbara said of Irie. “She had that passion, willing to listen to whatever you had to talk about. She wasn’t going to let you make a bad decision.”

Even then, the process was – as she expected – a challenge. “Going from more of a high class, independent lifestyle to letting an organization help me take control of my life, that was tough,” Barbara said.

As her advocate, Irie partnered with Barbara to help her meet the challenges of her lifestyle shift by helping her sort out her living situation, transition between jobs, keep track of her finances, and pay her bills if necessary by appropriating New Friends New Life funds.

New Friends New Life also “helped me trust and understand the word of God,” Barbara said.

Because NFNL is a faith-based organization, Wednesday night sessions include a bible study component, designed to provide the program participants, or the protégés, with spiritual support, reassuring them of Christ’s love for and acceptance of them.

“I knew about church, but I kind of lost it all living the lifestyle that I was living,” Barbara said. While “they don’t force any kind of beliefs on you,” Wednesday nights gave Barbara the confidence to visit different congregations, know what she was looking for, and pick the church that was right for her.

Perhaps even more importantly, Barbara had to learn to trust herself.

“I was pushed out a little too young,” she said. She graduated from high school a year early and entered the industry shortly thereafter.

Because her older sister had been a dancer, Barbara was exposed to the industry early on and had always admired her sister’s clothes and money.

After graduation, when she was afraid of falling short of her family and friends’ high expectations of her, Barbara knew how she could find economic success.

“I was trying to be more of what other people wanted and expected me to be, rather than what I wanted to be,” Barbara said. “I went to school to be a nurse for a short spell, also majored in Criminal Justice and didn’t succeed. Since I was afraid I couldn’t fulfill everyone else’s expectations, at least I could go out there and make a lot of money and be independent.”

Since leaving the industry, however, Barbara’s resourcefulness has served her well. She’s worked two different jobs since leaving the industry, and is currently employed at a major Dallas corporation.

What has made the biggest difference to Barbara, however, is not her own personal success. She sees the most value in what New Friends New Life has done for her son.

“I think the best thing was that my child got exposed to a Christian atmosphere. He started when he was five and he got use to going on Wednesdays. He’s nine now. It motivated me to keep doing what I was doing, because once you saw a difference in me, you saw a difference in him.”

After graduating from the NFNL program two years ago, Barbara is now engaged to be married and is a protégé leader for New Friends New Life, acting as a mentor to women who are going through what she has already been through.

“It takes a lot to get out there and tell your story…. You don’t know who’s listening to you. You’re still a little hurt from your past.  And every time I talk something new comes out that I had forgotten about. That’ s dangerous right there.”

But Barbara was ready to speak, to share her story with the women who need to hear it most, the ones who are still in the process of leaving the sex industry.

Barbara shines as an example of a strong woman who decided to change her lifestyle, and who did it independently, but not by herself. And that is what the New Friends New Life program- community, family- is all about.

“I was molested at the age of seven,” she said. “I think that’s what got me started [in prostitution.] I was always wanting a man’s approval.”

Before long, she was working in a brothel and abusing drugs and alcohol. Eventually, she went to jail, where she met a woman who told her about New Friends New Life.

“When I got out of jail, I knew I didn’t want to go back to living that kind of life,” she said. “I went to New Friends New Life. That was a new start for my journey.

Dana began attending Wednesday night meetings, which include dinner, a Bible study and a life skills session required for participation in the New Friends New Life program. These meetings offered her something that had been missing from her life: a community of women whom she could trust.

“I was used to being around women, but I was kind of a loner.” Dana said. “We used to bicker about who could bring in the most money… I used to be ready to fight other women, you know?”

At New Friends New Life, however, Dana found true friends. She found women she could relate to and confide in, women who would change her life.

“I learned how to bond with women, and it was women that were just like me,” she said. “It took a minute, but I was able to open up and share some things with them.”

As Dana continued to attend Wednesday night meetings and grow her network of support, she became a protégé in the NFNL program. As a protégé, she was partnered with an advocate, Michelle, who served as her mentor as she transitioned to self-sufficiency through conventional employment.

Michelle helped Dana budget and set goals, encouraged her to go back to school and supported her as she applied for and ultimately got a job in business administration.

“I’ve had jobs, but I would quit them. This time, I made up my mind that this was something I was going to stick with,” Dana said. “I never had a job where I liked to go to work. But this one, I love it.”

The most important thing that New Friends New Life did for Dana, however, was bring her closer to Christ.

“I was spiritually, mentally, physically bankrupt,” she said. “When I was in prostitution, sometimes I would go to church. To be honest, I even prostituted with the pastor. That’s what made me stay away from the church.”

However, participating in weekly New Friends New Life Bible studies, Dana rediscovered God.

“I built a relationship with God when I thought God had left me. And he hadn’t. I had left him. He was still right there,” she said.

Her journey was not without its challenges. The most difficult part, Dana said, was learning how to be a mother.

“My mom raised my children, then I got my children back,” Dana said. “After all those years, I didn’t know how to be a mother, so I took parenting classes.”

Through New Friends, Dana also received counseling services. Though she admitted that she was reluctant to open up at first, her counselor and her advocate eventually encouraged her to talk about what she had been through during one-on-one sessions.

“I have so many scars,” she said. “I would go out there, work the streets, wait in the house, give them my money. I almost lost my life a few times… [Through counseling] I was able to deal with a lot of things that I hadn’t dealt with in years, like being molested.”

Dana graduated from the New Friends New Life program in April 2010, and now aims to serve as a protégé leader — a role model, resource, and friend for current and incoming protégés.

When Dana first starting coming to New Friends New Life, it was a huge help “just to know that I wasn’t by myself, that other women were going through this,” she said. By sharing her story, Dana hopes that she can help other women turn their lives around, just like the women of New Friends New Life helped her.

“New Friends New Life really helped me learn how to be responsible, learn how to be a mother, learn how to love me… If it wasn’t for their program, I don’t know where I’d be. I’d probably still be in the whorehouse, waiting for a man to pick me, pick me.”

Robbie, an NFNL program graduate, owns and operates her own hair salon in a retirement home. Ten years ago, she was homeless.

Beginning in the late 1970’s, Robbie struggled with alcoholism and addiction, dancing frequently at first, then more sporadically to earn money to fuel her habit. Though she also held down a few odd jobs, even serving as an apartment manager for awhile, she mostly relied on her parents for financial support as she spent much of her money on alcohol and methamphetamine. That is, until they finally pulled the plug in 1999. She was homeless within a month. “The last time I danced was when I was homeless in 2001, but I got fired for doing drugs in the bathroom,” Robbie said. “Who gets fired from a topless bar?” she joked.

In January 2003, she was arrested on a felony charge – her fourth. She was sent to jail and decided to turn her life over to Christ.

“I remember, when I had been locked up for just a few weeks, I talked to this girl. You know how God sometimes puts the perfect person in your path for just a minute?” Robbie mused. “She looked at me and said, ‘Just do it their way this time. Listen to the people who love you and do it their way. Our way didn’t work.’”

Struck by these words, Robbie wrote a poem she titled, “Their Way.” She was finally ready to change her lifestyle, but she knew she couldn’t do it on her own.

After seven months in jail and six months in court-ordered rehab, Robbie chose to move into the Oxford House, a sober living program in Richardson. There, a woman told her about an organization called New Friends New Life. It wasn’t long before she began attending New Friends New Life’s Wednesday night Bible study and support group meetings and was immediately drawn in.
“When we first get sober, when we first get off the stage, and when we first get out of prostitution, we are so ashamed,” Robbie said. “But we can’t talk about dancing and prostitution in AA. There’s very few places that women like me could go to talk about the trauma that most of us went through.”

Within a few months, Robbie was incorporated into the NFNL program as a protégé and was partnered with Irie Session, a protégé advocate, who would who advised her as she rebuilt her life. Beginning in 2004, Irie helped Robbie to budget, set goals, and devise and adhere to a plan to repay her debt to the courts and complete her community service hours.

“Irie was my mentor and she really held me accountable. I needed that,” said Robbie. “I was really good at manipulating [my parents] to give me more money, but that was not the point of New Friends New Life. They were there to help me, but only as long as I was doing more to help myself.” That’s when Robbie began working at the salon, cutting hair for residents of a retirement home.

After two and a half years as a protégé, Robbie graduated from New Friends New Life and immediately began giving back to the community. She participated in a prison ministry and served as an AA sponsor. She also attends NFNL Wednesday night meetings periodically to partake in the Bible study and support group and to share in the community, which helped her so much when she was new to the program.

“One of the things about addiction and dancing is that we feel so alone,” she said. “So to come in and be around other women that were going through the same things I was, alongside other women who were there to support us, is huge.”

Although, as a program graduate, she no longer receives financial assistance from New Friends New Life, Robbie still receives some program benefits, including advocacy with NFNL protégé advocate Lauri Lanier, who is also her close friend, and free counseling with NFNL on-staff counselor Stephanie Clanton.

“I’ve been in counseling for a year and a half. I can’t afford counseling and women like me really need it,” she said. “Even though it’s been nine years, my addiction and that life are very close to me. Being able to come every other Monday and talk to Stephanie, that’s a huge blessing.”

Robbie has owned the hair salon which gave her a start for three years now, though she’s worked there for eight. And, thanks in part to her seven-year partnership with the women of New Friends New Life, she feels better than ever.

“I’m a lot stronger than I ever was before. They just teach us to believe in ourselves and that if we do the work, the results will show themselves.”

During high school I always wanted to be a part of the group of girls who acted snobby, pretty, and rich. But they would never accept me because I was a nice person, Spanish, and didn’t have as much money as they had. I ended up being a part of the Spanish group, which was fine, but I always looked to that other group as being better.

I met a girl in school who told me that I could make a lot of money. She took me to meet a man that would change my life for what I thought would be forever. I was immediately impressed with his huge house. He had nice cars and was very rich. All of his so-called ‘Hoes’ were not as pretty as I expected but they had brand new Mercedes Benz’s and a lot of money. I knew I could soon be the prettiest and richest one of them all.

This man soon became my pimp. He was unlike anyone I had ever met before because he made me feel special. We would sit for almost three hours at a time during his speeches of encouragement. He always talked about not doing drugs and how we needed to be good people. He always kept my attention because he never talked about pimp-Hoe things. He talked as if he was a teacher and I was his student. I had finally found someone who talked to me like I really mattered. He even promised me a Mercedes Benz.

My first night out I was misled into believing I was going to be a real escort. I would soon be able to go out with really rich guys who would cater to my every need. I would have really nice clothes and drive an expensive car. Reality soon set in when I was escorted all right…right over to Harry Hines. Harry Hines is a street in Dallas where you can find a wide range of women. After driving around for a few minutes one could soon find a woman or man who could supply their every need if the price was right.

We would drive around and look for guys. Whoever got the first trick would supply us with the hotel room for the rest of the night. The trick would rent the hotel room and it was understood between us ‘Hoes’ that we would share that room. When one of us was done, we would put the key on top of the sprinkler box outside for the next ‘Hoe’ and her trick. The management was even in on it.

In just a couple of weeks I learned to live a lie. Soon, my nights turned into days and my days into others. I was forgetting what day it was. I was so confused and went days without eating or sleeping.

There was even a special ‘Hoe’ talk. Any time we were around our tricks or in a public place, we would talk a certain way so no one could understand what we were talking about. They would start to talk like this in front of me and I would have to remind the other girls that I was a new girl. It was also understood that I had to call the other girls my ‘Wife in Laws’. I was just baffled trying to understand why I had to call them that because they were any thing but my family.

Two weeks after I got there I pleaded with them to let me call my family. The ‘Wife in Laws’ and my pimp would sit me down every time and talk me out of it. They said that I could go back and visit after I had a new car, a huge apartment, and a lot of money. “You can show them you can make it on your own,” they would say. But deep in inside I would be aching and crying thinking about what my father and mother must be going through. When I did get to finally call they made me call anonymously. I set up a visit at a local Denny’s Restaurant. I made my father promise that he wouldn’t try anything funny. One of the other ‘Hoes ‘ had to drive me there because my pimp didn’t trust me. When I got into the restaurant my father had a table set for five people. I immediately thought, “Great, he has really messed up with me this time”. But I was so glad to see him. All I really wanted for him to do was hold me and tell me everything would be all right. But of course I had to portray this ‘tough’ attitude and pretend as if I was mad at him. Then, all of a sudden, several of my high school friends walked up and sat down. They all began to tell me how much they cared about and loved me. They were crying in between their words. I was sobbing inside but I just couldn’t break down and let them think I was weak.

When it was time to leave, I really wanted to jump in the car with my dad but that other ‘Hoe’ was there waiting for me in her car. I was scared for my life and what my pimp would do to me if I left with my dad. So, I got into the car with that girl and we left. I was looking into the rearview mirror hoping that my dad would follow us…and he was. I just knew he would rescue me. After I got back to the house I was very sad but couldn’t let anyone know. I had to devise a way to get back home. I really missed school and I was starting to get worried about committing truancy. Now how insane is that? Here I was a prostitute and I was worried about getting in trouble for skipping school! Finally, the pimp let me go back to school. After all, I only had a few short months left to graduate. I only had to complete these last three classes to graduate. I was so tired in all of my classes from working the night before. So I wasn’t surprised when I had a tap on my shoulder while I was sound asleep in my third class that day. It was the high-school principal. While he was walking me down the hall he was very nice and saying that everything was okay. He assured me that we could work something out. I wasn’t sure what he was talking about but I assumed he was talking about me missing so much school. I walked into his office and there sat a police officer and my dad. “Oh my goodness,” I said to myself. He knew what I had been up to and up to this point I thought I had covered all of my tracks.

It was the first time that I had ever seen my dad cry. He is a very big stocky guy. I had never pictured him caring so much for me unconditionally. I thought he would be very mad at me, but the whole time he let me know how much he really loved me, no matter what.

On the way home he told me that a woman would talk to me from an organization called Amy’s Friends (now New Friends New Life). He wouldn’t let me know anything more about her or the organization. I waited a while and soon she arrived. We sat down on the couch and she began immediately with her story. It was very non-threatening. She was very kind and she spoke about how she made a lot of bad decisions in her life, too. She had been abused in a lot of different ways. I didn’t relate to her in that way but in so many other areas I related right away. She brought tears to my eyes and made me feel so much better in a lot of ways. I immediately felt that since some one else did it, maybe I could do it. My self-esteem rose to a point where I could make different choices than I had made before.

To tell you the truth, I was scared to attend the support group of New Friends New Life. My father promised me a good dinner after the first meeting if I would just go. After the third meeting I finally started to feel comfortable. We studied the 12 Steps for Christians in the group and it helped me realize a lot about God, others, and myself.

There are so many good things that have resulted from attending New Friends New Life and leaving prostitution. I feel more confident and don’t feel like I am below anyone any more. I was able to graduate with my high-school class and I received a scholarship from New Friends New Life to attend college to become a pilot. I strive to be a positive role model for my friends. I finally know what God’s plan is for my life. I am to help others in Mexico who are often left behind and have no one else to help them.

Thank you God and thank you New Friends New Life for saving my life!

God Bless!

-Libby

My childhood was full of agony and dysfunction mostly due to being raised by drug addicted, alcoholic, angry parents. Being raised in such an environment brought a world of trouble. It adversely affected how my self-image and emotional stability were established as well as twisting my physical perception of myself. My parents were divorced by the time I was eight years old. With my mother out of the picture due to the divorce, I was stripped of a little girl’s daily routine. Ultimately, I played mommy to the younger siblings and was responsible for them when my father was too inebriated or too high to manage his own children. I had an eating disorder called Anorexia Nervosa. By the age of twelve, I felt my life was almost over – emotionally and physically I was at the edge. Then Jesus scooped me up under his wing and put the hunger for life right back into me. He brought much needed healing into my life. With this healing came the desire to stay in his warmth for the next three years.

At the age of fifteen, I was happy for once in my life. I felt safe and loved. Life seemed good. My life was turned upside down when my mother received some terrible news. We lost our house and had to move back to my father’s house. This was the place I tried so hard to get away from. I began to rebel out of anger and chose the path of destruction. I experimented with drugs, alcohol, and sex, and dropped out of school. Basically throwing my life away, I was giving up on my dreams. For two years I ran in the fast lane until disaster struck me like lightening. During this fast lane living, I found out that I was pregnant and that my father had liver cancer. These two pieces of news stopped me dead in my tracks; they were enormous red lights. The news of my father’s terminal disease tore me from the inside out. I was so angry with God and I could not fathom life on earth without my father even though he had contributed to the pain in my life. I was pregnant at sixteen and having a baby was the furthest thing from my mind, but it did not take long for me to bounce back with a plan. I resolved to have my baby and go back to school. Through the fast track program at my high school, I obtained my G.E.D. and ultimately, I gave birth to my first child, Darin.

Darin came to me when I needed a reality check. To this day I believe he was my savior from a life of destruction. By nineteen I thought I had met my true love, got married and looked forward to a new life. Although it didn’t turn out the way I had expected it to, I carried on in that marriage thinking we would make it somehow. By the end of the first year of our marriage, I was emotionally drained. My father had died of cancer and it seemed that my husband was doing everything wrong that one could do wrong. I needed a change to come.

As my teenage years drew to an end, I was married but separated with three small children. When my second child was born he also came to me in a time of need to show me with death comes life. I truly believe God sent James to give me hope for the future. My third pregnancy was a trying and confusing time. I wasn’t certain that this was a child that I would keep but God made me realize the beauty of being able to create a miracle with His hands wrapped around us. Here I was with three children, a minimum wage job, and only a G.E.D. I was scared and uncertain as to how I would make it, so I tried out dancing. I thought I had all of my financial problems solved forever. It definitely didn’t turn out that way. It gave me more trouble than I could have bargained for. I buried myself again in drugs and alcohol trying to maintain a happy spirit to get through the nightmare I called life. I traveled this immoral highway for five years or so until I had all I could take. One night I was on the way to work and my heart just would not let me go through the door. I believe that God heard my cry to come back to him and I did just that.

At the age of twenty-six, I have learned a new way of life and how to love my Jesus again. With the support of many people networking to find help for my three children and me, life is back on track and better than it’s ever been! We are still working to keep up the good work. Since last year, I have achieved training as a medical assistant at a private college and will soon complete the clinical hours needed to obtain my certification in that field. I am looking forward to an exciting career helping people and being able to be a good example to my children.

My children are much happier now with this new mommy rather than the old mommy. All of my children are succeeding in grade school and I have all a mother could ever ask for in these three boys. I feel that my future is bright and I will be able to take care of my boys and myself.

God bless New Friends New Life for being a ministry available to prevent women from having to stay in sexually oriented businesses. They have been a major rock in my life to lean on in times of despair and a source of hope as I transitioned into a new life. I am very grateful. I hope my story will open up many people’s hearts to find change and to believe that Jesus can and will love them back to life.
-Shanna

“I ended up working four jobs in an effort to support my son and myself. I could not keep up the pace for long though. I lost everything I owned and ended up in a homeless shelter. That’s when I decided to work in a topless club.”
My memories of childhood are mostly painful ones. My father was an alcoholic and I lived in constant fear of losing everything; my family, and my home. Needless to say, I had a very unstable life. The only stability I had was that we went to church and even that was short lived; we quit going when I was twelve.

By the time I reached fourteen, I had totally rebelled. I hated my life so much; I just had to get away. I ended up pregnant and eventually gave my baby up for adoption. This alienated me from my family even more.

I moved out and got a job at seventeen. My life still wasn’t what I thought it should be. I felt there was something missing. When I became pregnant again at the age of nineteen, I was elated. Finally, I would have someone to love and that someone would love me back.

I gave birth to my little boy, Marlon, shortly before my twentieth birthday. I was totally on my own when it came to raising him. His father made it very clear that he was not going to be a part of our lives. He walked out on us when Marlon turned two months old.

I ended up working four jobs in an effort to support my son and myself. I could not keep up the pace for long though. I lost everything I owned and ended up in a homeless shelter. That’s when I decided to work in a topless club.

My friend had told me how much money I could make, so I decided to give it a try. She was right! Within a week, I had enough money to get an apartment. I thought this was the greatest thing to ever happen to me. So I began my “career” as a topless dancer. I really intended on dancing for a year or two until I could find a better job, but that never happened.

After a couple of years, I didn’t think dancing was so great anymore. I had to drink every day to deal with my job. I tried to drown all the pain with alcohol and drugs. I went through numerous relationships (abusive). Still looking for someone to love me, I got married. That didn’t work out either. Our marriage seemed doomed from the start. I left my husband and moved in with another man shortly after. We ended up having twin boys together; I later ended up losing custody of the boys after that relationship ended.

I had become everything that I did not want to be…. I was addicted to drugs and alcohol, was prostituting and dealing drugs. I felt like an absolute failure…. I thought that it would be best for my family if I were dead. I wrote my good-bye letters and took an overdose hoping to end all of the pain; however, I did not succeed. I eventually recovered and went back to the only thing that I knew…dancing.

I was determined that I would be in control of my life this time, but my addictions spun wildly out of control. I desperately wanted out of the business, but didn’t know how to get out. Every time I had tried to get out it never worked. Finally, I realized that the only way I would be able to get out was to re-dedicate my life to God. I felt so ashamed and unworthy of being forgiven that I honestly didn’t know if God would take me back or not, but I decided that He was my only hope.

After 11 years of being in the clubs, I quit my job for the last time. I began going back to church every time that the door was open, but still had such a hard time. I was sure that if anyone knew about my past they would ask me to leave and not come back. I was so lonely that I would cry myself to sleep every night and pray for God to send me just one friend.

I had almost decided not to go back to church anymore when God answered my prayer. As I made my way to my car that day a woman from church tapped me on the shoulder and said, “I don’t know you are or what you have been through, but God has really put you on my heart.”

I was so surprised! I really thought if I told her the truth she would just walk away from me, but I decided to tell her anyway. I told her that I had been a dancer and a prostitute and instead of walking away she just laughed and said, “It doesn’t matter, I love you anyway.”

Mary became my best friend and mentor. She is the friend that I had prayed for. Not long after that she called me and told me that she had seen a story on the news about a ministry that helped women to get out of sexually oriented businesses. She gave me the phone number and told me to give them a call. Making that call turned out to be one of the best things that I have ever done. I entered the New Friends New Life program (then called Amy’s Friends) and right away my life started changing for the better.

The people in New Friends New Life were so nice to me. They never condemned me, but gave me unconditional love. I began a journey with their help that continues to this day.

The ministry helped me get an apartment, and provided a lawyer that was able to help me get custody of the twins I had lost. I was able to get my GED and began a great job soon after.

I began to work the 12-Steps for Christians and made peace with my past. After completing the program with New Friends New Life I began volunteering as the Meeting Coordinator. It was very important for me to be able to give back to the ministry that had helped me so much and to be there for the many women out there who want out of the business and need a friend.

I was offered a full-time position with the ministry, which I gladly accepted. I was also able to begin working on my Associate Degree thanks to a generous donation to the New Friends Scholarship Fund. As Protégé Advocate for New Friends New Life I tried to be an example to the protégés of what they can accomplish if they set their minds to it. I was truly blessed to have these wonderful women in my life.

If it had not been for the ministry of New Friends New Life I seriously doubt that I could have stayed out of the business. I am no longer ashamed of my past. I am glad to use the experiences of my past to help others today.

I have recently taken a full-time position with another local ministry and am still using my experience and gifts to help others. New Friends New Life is still a part of my life and support team and they will always hold a special place in my heart for helping me to lay a solid foundation for a bright and promising future.
-Layla