A Salute to Fathers and Father Figures Who #StandForHer

Written By - Matt Osborne, Liaison to the Men’s Advocacy Group at NFNL

As I write this article on Father’s Day, I reflect on how blessed I feel to be the father of two amazing college-aged daughters. Despite my very less than perfect parenting, I am thrilled to see my daughters slowly but surely growing into strong and confident women. They are two of the main reasons I have focused my career on combatting commercial sexual exploitation and human trafficking since I first became aware of these issues while working for the US Government (CIA and State Department) almost 20 years ago. During the past two decades I have seen unfortunately how fatherlessness—or at least the absence of a committed and loving father or father figure in the home—has contributed to several problematic social issues, not the least of which is human trafficking.

I read a study recently that claimed in the US there are an estimated 20 million children living in a home without the physical presence of a father. The study noted that “fatherlessness is associated with almost every societal ill facing our country’s children and creates vulnerabilities that are easily exploited.” At New Friends New Life, we have seen firsthand how a host of social problems feed the pipeline of child and adult sex trafficking, such as poverty, teen runaways, the lack of good education and job opportunities, the rise in child sexual abuse material online, and much more. But perhaps primary among these factors, the epidemic of absent fathers has created voids that are readily filled by human traffickers who seek out and prey upon those whose basic needs go unmet.

The US Department of Justice has reported that many sex trafficking victims come from fatherless and unstable homes, and sex traffickers exploit these vulnerabilities by creating a warped “father-child” relationship with victims and manipulating their need for love and acceptance. Without this love at home, many victims find in sex trafficking organizations the “love” and sense of belonging that they crave.

Our Men’s Advocacy Group brings together men who are willing to take a #StandForHer by celebrating and promoting engaged and committed fatherhood. For fathers of daughters, we note that human traffickers take advantage of women and girls who may be craving love, connection, and support at home. For fathers of sons, we encourage them to raise their boys to be Men with More: more intolerant of bad “locker room talk,” more respectful of women and girls, and more respectful of themselves.

 Our free curriculum known as The manKINDness Project combats the demand that is primarily driving the commercial sex trade. We do this by promoting an understanding of healthy masculinity, which our boys today are certainly not seeing on social media, television or in movies. We teach these young men that if they speak disparagingly of, or objectify, the opposite sex, those attitudes could easily translate into toxic relationships with women and girls later in their life. One of our standard lines to these boys is that no man just wakes up one day at the age of 35, 45, 55, etc., and says… “Today I am going to purchase sex for the first time,” but rather it is a journey of a thousand steps that brings a man to the point where he believes it is appropriate to buy another human being. The manKINDness Project would nip that prospect in the bud by challenging these boys to treat every female with the same respect he would give the most important women in his life.

As another Father’s Day comes and goes, may each of us who have been given the blessing of being a father, or father figure, recommit ourselves to being active, engaged, loving, and committed in the lives of our sons and daughters. Together we can raise the standard of fatherhood that our society so desperately needs, and in so doing can combat the negative effects that fatherlessness has had on human trafficking victims in the US and around the world.

Celebrate HER

Written by: Hannah D. Counter, M.A., LPC, EMDR-Trained, Youth Program Clinical Director, NFNL

In 2022, 48% of the women and youth that we served at New Friends New Life (NFNL) were African American and 21% of the women and youth that we served were members of the LGBTQIA community. As we move through the month of June, it is important to remember that the celebrations of Pride Month (celebrating the LGBTQIA community) and Juneteenth (celebrating the African American Community) both have representatives right here at NFNL.

According to the National Museum of African American History & Culture, “Even though the Emancipation Proclamation was made effective in 1863, it could not be implemented in places still under Confederate control… Freedom finally came on June 19, 1865, when some 2,000 Union troops arrived in Galveston Bay, Texas. The army announced that more than 250,000 enslaved black people in the state, were free by executive decree. This day came to be known as "Juneteenth," by the newly freed people in Texas.”

As stated in the Library of Congress, “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer (LGBTQ) Pride Month is currently celebrated each year in the month of June to honor the 1969 Stonewall Uprising in Manhattan…The purpose of the commemorative month is to recognize the impact that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals have had on history locally, nationally, and internationally.”

Part of the way we define “trauma informed care” here at NFNL is seeing our members as individuals and honoring each part of their identities. Our women and girls have many different identities and roles in their life. Each one of those roles have value and worth. These individuals are more than just survivors of sex trafficking. They are African American, Latino, mother, employee, Muslim, student, daughter, heterosexual, Christian, friend, lesbian, aunt, American Indian, bisexual, mentor, survivor.

So, throughout this month, when you see the celebrations of Pride and Juneteenth, think of our women and girls. Remember that people are diverse and fluid and are representative of so many different communities that have value and are worth celebrating. And, when we stand for HER, we don’t only stand for the trafficked part of her, we stand for ALL of her.

Want to learn more about how you can take a stand for her? Get involved in our Circle of Friends, join the Men’s Advocacy Group, volunteer with us, partner with us through in-kind donations or offer financial support.

Celebrating All Mothers on Mother’s Day

Written By: Monica Flores, NFNL Youth Program Manager

On Sunday, May 14, mothers across the country were celebrated and honored for the influence and role they have played in their children's life. Typically, when we hear the term “mother” we associate it to an individual who has birthed a child, raised them in a safe and nurturing environment, and has made a positive impact in their life. And although for many, this definition holds true, but for most of the women we serve at NFNL this definition does not.

Many, if not majority, of the members at NFNL have experienced verbal, emotional, physical, and [even] sexual abuse by their mothers. Instead of being raised in a safe and healthy home environment, our women have had to live through experiences that are unjustifiable. The person who as a young girl you look up to, go to for support and love, became the villain in a story they had yet to write.

That is why every Mother’s Day at New Friends New Life, we celebrate those women who show up for the little girl they once were. We honor the resilience and strength they demonstrate daily to overcome the trauma they’ve experienced, and we recognize the effort and commitment they’ve made to become a better woman and mother. Not only do we celebrate the hard work they do at this agency, but also the hard work they do to raise their children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or any other individual they consider their own. We host an evening dinner, coordinate a floral arrangement class, and fill the adult resource center with love, appreciation, and community.

Each of our women have had their own unique experience in the journey of motherhood, and although no two are the same, they are equally as important and valid. So, on a day like Mother’s Day, it’s important we celebrate the women who are adoptive mothers, stepmothers, those who have lost children, have strained child relationships, [have lost mothers,] are yearning to be mothers and those who have chosen not to be mothers.

As a mother myself, it’s beautiful to witness celebrations like these. To see the smiles of our members and feel the warmth and love within a room is truly a blessing. Mother’s Day at NFNL is more than just a day to celebrate mothers, it’s a day to commemorate the women who continue their journey of life and the women on the journey of becoming the mother (they never had). 

The Value in Volunteering

Written By: Vanessa Garnica-Barker, NFNL Community & Engagement Manager

When working with volunteers, I typically hear about how they find fulfillment through service and being able to make a difference when volunteering at New Friends New Life (NFNL). According to HelpGuide.org, volunteering helps bring a healthier and happier life. Four different benefits they highlighted were,

“Volunteering connects you to others.
Volunteering is good for your mind and body.
Volunteering can advance your career.
Volunteering brings fun and fulfillment to your life.”

As someone who has actively volunteered throughout my life, I can confidently say that volunteering has brought these four components into my life and ignited a passion for service.

Working in the volunteer program has allowed me to gain an entirely new perspective. While volunteers experience this immense joy, I want them to know there is a much deeper impact and value that they are leaving on the opposite end. The value of their volunteerism is priceless in the way they’ve impacted the members at New Friends New Life.

There’s nothing more beautiful than seeing genuine connections and rapport built among members and volunteers. So often the women and girls served at NFNL only knew transactional relationships and now they are experiencing a sincerity through the agency of unconditional love and kindness that is so freely given to them with nothing expected in return.

As a bystander in these interactions, I’ve witnessed hundreds of little moments that leave major impacts in the lives of those served. Whether it’s a volunteer bringing laughter to a baby in childcare, building a member’s confidence during Fashion Friday, empowering members in our GED classes, serving them a warm, homecooked meal, or just being a listening ear. These moments can leave a lasting impact and restore faith in humanity.

As some of our members have stated, “I find much encouragement in coming here. I feel cared for as well as a renewed hope.”

“Thank you for making life more fun. I appreciate all of the time, laughs and smiles you bring.”

Specifically, one of our youth member’s interactions with a male volunteer after receiving roses at our Valentine’s Day Celebration, “This is the first time I’ve ever received flowers from anyone” with the biggest smile on her face and a sense of safety.

These moments bring significant value into so many lives served at NFNL. Thank you volunteers for playing such an essential role in bringing love, kindness, and joy into the lives of those served.

In addition to the impact made on members, volunteers significantly benefitted NFNL through the gift of their time. Last year alone, NFNL Volunteers logged 2,723 hours of service equaling more than $81,000 in payroll savings. Volunteers also donated more than $185,000 in in-kind items, our most essential needs. So often traffickers lure in the most vulnerable through these very real, basic human needs. Every hygiene kit, pantry item, snack, and feminine product serves a purpose far deeper than you can imagine.

Each minute served and every person served is deeply cherished. Thank you for each little moment that fills their hearts. To learn how you can volunteer at NFNL, visit www.newfriendsnewlife.org/volunteer.

IWD is Every Day at NFNL

Written By: Katrina Tamez, NFNL Grants Manager

Every little girl has big dreams. Dreams to be successful. Dreams of becoming great. Dreams of safety and independence. Somewhere along the way, her hopes and dreams were stolen from her by a person who made a choice for her. They chose to exploit her and chose to trafficker her. No one dreams of being exploited. No one deserves to be exploited.

On March 8th the world celebrated International Women’s Day. A day that recognizes women’s achievements and rallies people for positive change to advance women’s equality and continued progress. At New Friends New Life (NFNL), International Women’s Day is every day. Every day, we get the chance to witness power being reclaimed by women who are accomplishing their dreams. Women who have overcome the unimaginable to be victorious. Women like Becca in a recent Phase-Up ceremony said: “Everyone at New Friends New Life inspires me to keep moving forward. I have been through a lot, and I will continue to grow even stronger.”

NFNL’s vision is to create a community where women and girls can soar above the limits of their past to achieve their dreams. Often, financial ties are what keep survivors tethered to the life of exploitation. When women have the opportunity to become financially self-sufficient, they are able to move forward with their dreams, which is why Economic Empowerment is a core pillar in our Women’s Program. The Economic Empowerment program teaches workforce readiness and life skills, provides financial literacy tools, connects women to entry-level employment, offers educational guidance, and provides interim financial support for basic living expenses to bridge the gap to self-sufficiency. This program helps provide the tangible skills and resources a survivor needs to overcome her history and make it HER STORY so that she can accomplish her dreams….Because at NFNL we believe it is never too late to achieve your dreams.

We honor Annette, for example, a proud graduate of the Women’s Program who is now serving as an Economic Empowerment Specialist at NFNL. She recently celebrated earning her bachelors degree in Sociology. Although her dreams may have evolved over the years, Annette plans to continue using her nurturing spirit to invest in other women, because HER STORY is just beginning! The healing power of community and support provided at New Friends New Life empowers survivors and members of our  Alumni Circle  as they reclaim their power and bring new dreams into fruition. That is something worth celebrating every day.

Overrepresentation: How Society’s Social Ills Affect Black Women and Girls Differently

Written By: NFNL CEO, Bianca Davis

Black History Month 2023 is now in the books, which on its surface means that we have once again checked the boxes for the year. Educational events?  Check. Reflective conversations? Check. Award ceremonies? Check. While there is indeed imperative value in recognizing Black American history and achievements, being Black in America too often means being overrepresented in some of the most devastating social issues and cycles  - whether it be intimate partner homicide, pregnancy mortality, or living in the foster care system.

At New Friends New Life, (NFNL) we too witness this overrepresentation when it comes to the issue of sex trafficking. In 2022, 48% of our adult program members were Black women. In our Youth Resource Center, which serves female youth ages 12-22, 43% of our members are Black girls. These numbers align with national data that shows that 40% of trafficking victims in the U.S. are Black women and girls, despite making up less than 14% of the population.  Overrepresentation.

Anecdotally, I’ve long believed that many Black women are in a fight that we aren’t actively or consciously fighting – it’s just a part of what it means to survive and thrive in this skin we’re in. Now, there’s  a term that describes the detrimental effects this never-ending fight has on Black women’s bodies – it’s called weathering. This wearing down of the physical body is a result of chronic stressors that are at the very root of Black American history and its trauma. It comes as no surprise then, that 60% of the women at NFNL also have a medical health condition (diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, arthritis, etc.), in addition to the complex emotional trauma they carry, often stemming from their childhood, and further exacerbated by being a trafficking victim. I once heard a survivor say – “by the time a woman is trafficked, that’s not the first bad thing that has happened to her.” It is with trauma on top of trauma that Black women are trying to navigate and heal. Overrepresentation.

 As a Black, Female, Immigrant, I have spent my life ripping off labels of libel and climbing out of the buckets of confinement. I recognize the privilege it has been for me to have made a life for myself here in the United States. I am grateful for the long list of allies and friends who have opened doors for me to walk through in different seasons. Today, I am humbled to be able to dedicate my professional life to sounding the alarm on behalf of women and girls who are in harm’s way. I know full well that there, but for the grace of God, go I.

Not long ago, I arrived at our facility ready to start my day, and I noticed one of our members sitting on the steps enjoying the morning breeze. I was immediately attracted to her big, bold earrings, so we struck up a conversation about jewelry and fashion. Then, I asked how long she had been with us.  She shared that she had just moved here from Nevada, after leaving a life of being bought and sold for nearly a decade. She said she was enjoying the program so far, and then asked, “what do you do here?”  When I told her I was the CEO, she stood up with tears in her eyes, gave me the biggest hug, and said, “I never imagined that someone who ran a place like this would ever look like me.” In that moment, oppressive overrepresentation shifted to restorative representation. I will never forget that embrace. She didn’t say much else, but I felt every single word.

While we know that anyone can be a victim of sex trafficking, and that New Friends New Life is proud to be in its 25th year of serving women and girls of all backgrounds and races who have been trafficked and exploited, it is imperative that we acknowledge all the ways in which Black women and girls, who are overrepresented in this issue, are uniquely and disproportionately at risk. It is only then that we can begin to level the disparities and clear the path forward for survivors.